Turning 18

Legally an adult? I think YES.

16. 17. 18.

I knew that one day wouldn't make me feel any different. What makes me feel different is looking back on this past year and how much I have changed as a person. So much has changed in my life in the past year and I do not regret any of it. I don't think there's anything I would go back and change if I could. I know that's crazy considering a great deal of hell went on this past year but in the end I think its contributed to the person I am today. Those experiences have made me stronger and a great deal wiser; both in life and in love. If something so radical and painful hadn't have happened I would be back where I was a year ago. A not so helpless girl trapped in a helpless life. That is so not me! I accomplished so much this past year. I graduated early and started college before I turned 18! I fell in love with an amazing guy who I care about so very much. I moved out and I'm living on my own. I accomplished more in one year then most 17 year olds.

My goals for this year are quite simple:
1. to truly enjoy living life

2. to not take love too seriously and still enjoy the little things
3. to not lose my mind over stupid drama
4. to completely accomplish the long list of things I want to do in college
5. to stay focused and still have fun

I had an amazing birthday!

 

 

 I have hope that this year will be wonderful, more hope then I've had in a long time.

This is my last week as a child? WHAT?

So I've made it halfway through my first term of college and so far, college is a billion times better then high school. There's a lot more reading but all those little busywork assignments are non-existent. I got my first quiz back today and I aced it. So this week has started off really well and I had a wonderful weekend!

I spent all of Saturday with my wonderful boyfriend who I've hardly seen all month!

We went to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch, stopped by the Saturday Market, went to Pioneer Square, and then took in the view by Washington Park. We went all over Portland and it was simply amazing. It was definitely one of the best days ever.

I felt like a little kid :D It was fun!

Josh is an excellent photographer!

I could actually say "I can see my house from here!" That never happens. It was so cool haha.

He looks so happy here! He's always smiling...I love that! :) 

So this week is going to be a bit crazy. I have class all week and then my birthday dinner on Friday with my family and Josh. Then Sunday is actually my birthday! Sadly though, next week is midterms...SO LAME. I'm still determined to have an awesome birthday though! :D

  Hello 18.

fully an adult and fully responsible for all my childish actions now... :p

I've found myself staring at maps a lot lately because of my int'l studies class. This week's map quiz is over Africa. Its made me think of traveling abroad and going somewhere. I don't know where yet but I want to go somewhere. Travel is on my mind at the moment along with everything else I'm thinking about.

I am missing my music.

So this is a recap of the weekend along with today...which is Monday. Today was spent in class nearly falling asleep and trying to not laugh at the silly things we were all doing to keep ourselves entertained. International Studies was spent taking notes furiously while trying to listen to the professor talking. He likes to really get into the lecture. Its funny. After that I celebrated acing my quiz by going out and getting pizza. Now I find myself trying to study for my quiz Wednesday and reading at the same time...I'm such a multitasker. :) This was my Monday. I intend to blog every day this week. It is my last week as a child after all :)

MissIndependent

I've always been pretty independent. I think I gained that from how I grew up and how fast I had to grow up. In high school, I lost my independence. Between all of the people and my now ex-boyfriend it was hard to stay true to who I was. I felt like I was never happy with who I was. I was always trying to be fit-in. I didn't want to stand out I just wanted to be a part of the crowd. Now in college I'm beginning to see this huge change in myself. That fiery independence is now seeping through my veins and its beginning to show. I am the person I've been hiding all along and I am no longer influenced by anyone else. I don't need anyone to be okay. I am perfectly happy all along. This kinda goes back to the posts after the break-up. I am not going to be the girl who follows her boyfriend like a puppy dog. That is just not me. I'm not saying I am against relationships or that I'm unhappy being in one (cuz i'm not) this fact just goes further to prove my point. I am me. Perfectly capable of living on my own and doing my own thing. I don't need to be walked to school or be helped anywhere. I can be on my own. I've been doing it for almost 18 freaking years.

So this weekend was pretty amazing. College work is keeping me busy, but I'm still managing to have tons of fun. I went to a party with people from my FRINQ class and had a crazy Friday night, hung out with Garrett (who I haven't seen in forever!), and watched Out Cold for the first time with Harlan, Josh, and more people that I hope I can keep getting to know. I love my friends so much!

Oh...btw..my birthday, its in 13 days....

Wishlist:
1. Red or Navy Toms

2. $ for a keyboard

3. A sweet Empyre backpack

4. PSU Sweats (black and say vikings)

5. Food

6. More Diet Coke

7. Nordstrom's Gift Card

8. Cell Phone Case (motorola droid v.1)

9. ipod touch (new one)

10. Build a Bear stuffed animal

 oh...and FYI..i'm keeping it low key this year. So just come hang out with me the weekend after my birthday. I've got midterms the 25th :(

 (pics via weheartit.com)

Stuck

I feel like I've staring at my whole life right now. I'm looking the decisions about love I've made in the past and how they've affected me and continue to affect me. I'm slightly overwhelmed by it all but at the same time its completely captured my attention. My question is was it ever love? Have I ever been in love with someone? I dated someone for over a year and spent basically every waking moment with him. Did i ever really love him? Like I've said in previous posts, the words "I love you" are all too easily spoken. When do you know? When does your relationship with someone take on a different meaning? How do you know? What happens after that? When do we know when we will never love the person we are with? How do you begin to tell that person? When do you give someone up for someone else? Is that ever okay? (Thinking of the movie Letters to Juliet on that one) What if you miss out on your true love? Is that possible? Is there such a thing as true love?

Welcome to my contemplative state of mind. I'm stuck trying to answer all of these questions. I'm beginning to see why love is so complicated: there's way too many aspects of it. I'm thinking about not making a decision again. That worked last time. I think I'll stick to that until it doesn't work for me.

Where. Am. I. Going? 
I'll let you know when I figure it out.

(pictures via weheartit.com)

Like a Sinking Ship

People say we're supposed to live life to the fullest. We're supposed to grab life and make it our own. How do we go about doing that though? How do we do that within the structure that is life? How do we balance our lives with the lives of others?
There's restrictions and rules to how we live our life no matter what. They are determined by the choices we make and some of them are binding contracts. What happens when suddenly you what to jump out of the confines of normality and breathe a breath of fresh air for a minute? Well I know the answer. Life will still be there when you come back and it will sink you like an anchor in the ocean. It will totally remind you of what you left behind and never let you forget it. Pretty much its telling you there is no point in trying but we will still try because that taste of fresh air is the only thing that makes you feel like you can actually do anything or be anything.

Cherish Yesterday

Dream Tomorrow
Live Like Crazy Today

I gotta start living like that again...